Strengthening communication and stablishing trust is very important for children. There are many aspects that are the base for children’s first stages of development, and spending time alone with them is one of them. When they move into their teens, they leave their toys aside and want to hang out with their friends or have fun their way, however, a way to ensure they don’t make big mistakes during this tough stage is to have the door of communication and trust open, and this is built in childhood.
Specialist on child therapy, Yvonne Laborda says that “many of the problems and conflicts we have with our teenagers are precisely that lack of emotional connection. It’s very important that they know we are there for them, that they can be themselves without fear of being judged… They need to feel free to share their experiences with us, and their relationship with their parents must be as peaceful, loving, respectful and sincere as possible”.
There are certain factors to consider to know if time alone with your kids is being effective. First of all, it’s not enough to spend hours and hours without stablishing a true emotional connection with them. Quantity is not everything.
Of course we all have our duties, but when you’re free at home, use your time to know more about your children. Turn the cell phone off, stay away from the computer and focus all your attention on your kids. This will be of great value when they enter their teens.
Another valuable lesson you can teach as a parent is the value of family. According with educational psychologist María José Rodríguez, “when children spend time with the family, they feel they belong somewhere. They have a feeling of family unit, and when they get to their teens, they will have a connection with you, even if the typical problems of this stage affect them, they will know they can trust you to share what is happening with them”
If you want to have an emotional connection with your children, spend time alone with them. You can start by identifying your own needs and feelings, and then channeling them to build empathy with your child’s needs and feelings. Then, you can build an environment of trust, free of preconceptions, where different opinions can be stated with respect.
Laborda says that “connecting is being able to enter the other person without invading and without judging… It can happen through a game, a walk, a rest, food, through talking, though a look, a touch or simply a kiss. Just try to spend quality time with your child and enjoy it.”
ALFA